Dear readers,
im angry.
I am not your typical Muslim. The difference between me and many other Muslims (including close family) is that i actually prioritize understanding the concept of God before interpreting any part of any other religion.
The Concept of God:
*He Judges, Not I.
*He gives me choice, I choose from what He has allowed me.
*Our relationship is between us and only us.
*I make mistakes, i make my decisions, He loves me for who i am...with all of my human faults.
*He, and only He, knows that i am a good person. I do not have to prove myself for anyone else.
*He, and only He, knows im human, and he loves me for my humanity, not my endless pursuit of perfection and self proof. -- what i mean my self proof is when people tend to endlessly live their lives to prove themselves for someone else, which in turn makes their lives empty. They will never know the joy of the smallest things in life, because their joys are connected with the news, fashion, ideologies of others. They are mere followers. They do not appreciate the brain He has given them, and they may not ever enjoy the souls and minds He has permitted them.
Other than many things, that is basically how i see God. This is because if i think of God as a being who has given me His job of judgement, perfection, and knowledge...then he would not be God at all.
Im extremely angry. My mother keeps calling me an atheist. Infidel. Satan. Lucifer. Communist. Haha.
This is my test and only mine.
I do not cover my hair, yet I see women with heads covered, and hearts as black as their veils.
I listen to and appreciate music, yet I meet people who have refrained from music only to substitute it with gossip.
I perceive prayer as an intimate conversation with God, as He has given me the right to talk to him whenever i want, rather than a routine set of movements which limit my communication and thanks to him.
I speak in any language i want, because i know He, and only He, will understand me no matter what language i speak in.
I believe that good people, no matter what religion they are from, will be judged fairly, because God is fair.
We all pray to the same God. No matter what race, language, ethnicity, culture, religion, ideology we come from or believe in. The only thing He wants us to do is pursue peace for others as we pursue it for ourselves.
We have been given the power to control our minds, the power to make our decisions, and the power to heal our pain. Yet we allow our minds to control us, society to make our decisions for us, and pain to turn us into monsters.
My mother. I dont blame her. She was never given the choice. She was just taught a bunch of stories, grew up a follower, and had very strict judgments about everyone and everything around her.
Please understand, dear readers...i am NOT saying that her mentality is wrong, right, just or unjust. I am just saying that she was born learning how to forget herself and judge others for her pain.
The Jews.
The Americans.
The Communists.
The books.
The secularists.
The Media.
Satan(s).
What she forgets is that all those will still bow down to Him. Each one in their own way.
there are 8 billion people of Earth
each and every one of us is unique and perfectly imperfect in the eyes of God.
Some born leaders
some born followers
some born curious
some born ignorant
all born different.
Note: I understand that its frowned upon to speak of my personal life in public, but the truth is...i couldnt care less. Because it is not until stop hiding our problems and stop covering them with other people's business, is that we start facing our own issues and hopefully start solving them rather than complaining about them.
You see i am efficient person, and wearing a mask for about 12hrs a day is simply inefficient for me.
Moving on...
However, why we decide to judge others by our own standards, i will never understand. Nevertheless, i am only human, i am not all-knowing. Additionally, i am not afraid of admitting i am human, nor am i afraid of not being all-knowing.
He has given me the right to ask questions, yet i am not afraid of not finding all the answers.
This is what humans are. This is what humans will always be. Different. Obnoxious. Beautiful. Judgmental. Unique. Hurtful. Supportive. Faulty.
What we must learn that different is good. We are all being somehow homogenized because we all seem to be afraid of whats different. And dont even get me started on how homogenization ruins society in terms of competition, diversity, productivity, efficiency, creativity, cooperation...etc.
im so angry.
God has given me anger. Good. He has also given me the power to channel my anger into something productive. However, He has also given me the choice to be productive, or else i also have the choice to just..be bitchy.
To my mother. I am damned.
Therefore,
I am the damned in distress.
What she doesnt know is that, i am not confused anymore. I know He loves me. And when he loves me. I love me. And when i love me...well, you know Adam Smith's invisible hand? it turns into a walking, talking human who is consciously and subconsciously strong, efficient, active, and productive. That human will fall many, many, many, times. gets fat. gets lazy. Still. That self-interested, imperfect, strong human keeps going.
