The Comfort Zone: Hatred, Nostalgia, and Gradual Disappearance. Part (4/4)

I apologize for this next post you are going to read, but this time…it’s not a parody. It might obviously show my anger. But, the amount of loved ones i have seen go through the previous phases is unbelievable. No matter how different these people are. 

The solution to your problem is going to be all a conclusion of MINE. No self help jargon.

Ready?

   By this time, dear reader, if you have read this for anything other than entertainment purposes, then I'm very angry at you. You have just proven to, and to yourself, how desperate you are.

   Here you are being ignorant. That’s all. You are wasting valuable time on finding a so-called soulmate when you should be looking for your next adventure. What’s so beautiful about a relationship is that you DO NOT completely know the person and you seem to find out something new every single day…. whether good or bad. You can’t use the I KNOW HIM/HER card…and that’s the beauty of it.

   If you are a person who thinks that another human being deserves to take control of your life, then you are nothing but another unproductive space and time waster.

Yes, we all fall in love. But what type of love causes you NOTHING but pain. True, all relationships have ups and downs…but really…when you’re always down…then what’s the point?

   What are YOU getting out of this? Are YOU learning anything? Are YOU becoming a better person, a more productive human, while being with your partner? Do you wake up every morning saying “Thank God I have him/her in my life to bring out the best in me”? If not, then I'm sorry. You are nothing but a person who is making excuses to STAY IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE. That’s the worst thing anyone could every do…because that’s where your life stops. You should constantly be looking for things that build your character and your personality, not break them. Also, you should be pursuing lessons from your mistakes instead of repeating them everyday.

   This is to all my loved ones who are beautiful, intelligent and amazing. Knowing their purest spirits has always made me think that they DO NOT deserve any sort of pain. Especially not self inflicted pain. Stop wasting your time. You are not being humble by forgetting yourself in this situation; you are only blindly digging deeper into your own hole.

The Comfort Zone: Hatred, Nostalgia, and Gradual Disappearance. Part(3/4)

Hello again, let’s move on to the first phase without wasting time.

Phase 1: Hatred

   The phase of Hatred explains itself. Here, you will face so much hatred towards your ex to the extent that it will turn itself into a sort of false power. It will make you feel stronger, you will not miss him/her, you will hardly ever think about him/her in a way other than evil. Your ex hurt you, humiliated you, degraded you…broke you….and now you completely realize it, and its all clear.

   What you don’t realize is what’s coming next. The only thing you can do is distract yourself a lot in this phase and keep yourself away from any “I’m strong without you” types of phone calls or texts.

Avoid communication whatsoever, because this false power you have is just you blocking you pain. It is not real, and you are very hurt….and that’s ok.

Phase 2: Nostalgia

    This is the most important phase in my self-help series. It is the hardest and the most painful, but again, it is all in your hands. You can make the best of it. You can do it. Just Do It. (I'm sorry Nike, but I couldn’t be more original)

    I say that Phase 2 is the hardest because if your ex was a drug, then this is where you start to suffer withdrawal symptoms. Assuming that the whole time you and your ex were in a relationship, your body was secreting a sort of “love hormone” which your body adapted to getting a dose of everyday. This hormone does not have anything to do with whether your relationship is good or bad, it simply excretes the hormone just because your ex was there. You got used to having them around in your life. He/She became a part of your life, your blood..

Imagine that drug being taken away from you all of a sudden, what would happen?

   You will experience depression, crying at the most unconventional times, temporary eating disorders…etc. All you need to do here is wait it out. PLEASE BE WARNED: going back to your ex will not fix this, you are broken and only you can put yourself back. You were born alone, and you can make it alone.

   Additionally, this is the part where your ‘sanity’ after HATRED comes back. You start to remember the good times more often than the bad times. You start to remember how your ex used to make you laugh and blush and turn your stomach upside down. To try to distract yourself, just remember that nobody should have the right to that amount of power over you, but you. You have to start focusing on the life you have (as the author I'm thinking: That’s if you every had a life. Haha.) .

Phase 3: Gradual Disappearance

   This Phase happens unconsciously. This is where your body, as strong as it is, starts to heal itself; and this is where your mind starts to pick its pieces up, and puts itself back together. Some mornings, you will wake up with your ex on your mind, but the point of this phase is that you’ve made peace with it. Other mornings, you will wake up and remember that you that you did not remember you ex today…

And that’s where you start to heal.

__

   Wow. If you’re still reading to this point, then there is something wrong with you. I have no PhD in psychology, nor do I have any sort of authority or experience for you to be reading my version of ‘self-help’; but if you still find this interesting, keep reading to the solution…may God be with you my child.  

Please move on to the next and final post.

The Comfort Zone: Hatred, Nostalgia, and Gradual Disappearance. Part(2/4)

   So, now you have left him/her. You feel strong and confident. But still…this is only the beginning.

   Of course you’re kinda shook up. You’ve been with you’re partner for ‘a minimum of 2 years’… every day you guys have spent with each other is written on every single cell that runs in your blood. Every breath you take spells out the 3 to 10 letters that make up his/her name.

You feel good…but it’s still…lonely…empty. This is where I come in.

   My solution is aimed at people who have been in a relationship which they were not given what they deserve, but settle for less anyways because they fear the process stepping out of THE COMFORT ZONE. The Comfort Zone here is what we all have to step out of if it includes any sort of abuse. You should not be scared, you should grow a pair and experience the next adventures you’re supposed to face.

In the beginning, I start with a theory.

My theory—cuz you gotta have one— predicts that you will experience 3 phases:

1. Hatred

2. Nostalgia

3. Gradual Disappearance

   Before I start explaining these three phases [building suspense], I must stress on how important it is for you to understand that there is NO time limit for these. Every person has a different healing process. Some heal fast; others heal slowly [duh – don’t you just love the obvious ‘wise’ statements?].

   In addition, make sure that it is YOU who dumped your partner and not the other way around [like it makes a difference—random rules are the best!].

   After I explain the three phases in as much detail as I can, we will proceed to the possible solution(s) at the end of this multi-parted post [haha].

Additionally, if you do not know what the 3 phase titles mean, please check them in the dictionary before you keep reading. I warn you they are the essential part of this ‘program’ [speak to your readers like they’re idiots, the world is full of masochists]

Now, let’s start with the phases – please proceed to the next post

The Comfort Zone: Hatred, Nostalgia, and Gradual Disappearance. Part(1/4)

    This post is dedicated to the era of self-help. It is somehow a parody of the amount of …OBVIOUSNESS… in these books, as well as an eye opener, hopefully, to many of my loved ones.

   What I mean by the concept of self-help is not your everyday economic/Gandhian concept of self-help [Google it if you have no idea what I am talking about]; it’s the ‘self-help’ section you find in any bookstore. Why Men Marry Bitches, Eat Pray Love, The Secret, and Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams are a couple of examples of what you’ll find in this section.

   Since these are a part of a growing industry which feed on low-self esteem, depression and hypochondria, I thought to myself…why not give it a go?! It could be fun…writing advice on how one can ‘help’ one’s self…trying to make assumptions your reader will feel familiar with…it’s pretty interesting. 

P.S I’m not dissing any of these books so don’t sue me. I am merely trying to imitate their genre in an amateur manner…which is more fun…and also HILARIOUS.

    Before I start with my very own self help series on romantic relationships, which is of course everyone’s favorite, I have to lay down my assumptions. If, however, any reader seems to not ‘familiarize’ [usage of rarely used words is a must – might be turned into familiarization later on] with these assumptions… please do not stop reading…you might use it to laugh at other people.

Assumptions:

• 1.     You have been with a person for a long time – minimum of 3 years.
• 2.     You are not married.
• 3.     Every time someone asks/asked you about this relationship, you answered: ”It’s Complicated”. 
• 4.     The relationship is constantly On and Off.
• 5.     You have no idea where it is going.
• 6.     You have no idea if it is serious or not.
• 7.     You call this relationship ‘special’ or ‘unique’ instead of chaotic.
• 8.     You keep giving your partner excuses…in everything. For example: “But, he punched you” – You look at you best friend straight in the eye [with your black eye] and answer: “Nooo, it’s not like that. He wanted to slap me but got confused”.  – of course, this is an extreme example…but you know what I’m talking about.
• 9.     Every single day, your partner tells you about a lie he told you a long time ago. Example: “You remember when I told you your eyes were sparkling on our first date? [giggles] I was totally lying I just wanted to get laid. So weird how we ended up here eh?”
• 10You always seem to use “but, he loves/cares about/likes me”, “but we’ve been together for so long”, “he’s different, I know him”.
• 11You often end up blaming yourself for everything.
• 12This post is for people who have actually found the strength to leave their ‘bad’ partners.

So these are my 12 assumptions [The number has to be awkward and random for the readers to remember – like 12…wtf]. If you are in the zone of familiarization [I told you I’d use it!], keep reading. 

Human Mistakes, and Mistake-Making Humans

Readers. im sorry i wont continue my previous posts, but in retrospect...2011 has been a memorable year..in the past few days, "memorable" has developed into a word that can be defined as both a negative and a positive phenomenon.. you choose.

so im dumb...i made a mistake right before my internship to Portugal...and according to some people it was an extremely big one. So lets say i made a BIG mistake, just to be politically correct. I put my future, my education and my life in jeopardy, and i DO NOT deny or justify any of it (just to be clear). I dont know if ill be fit to live after tonight, but im writing this because that's what i do....i write.

I write when im at any type of extreme. Whether emotionally (happy, sad, scared, angry...etc)....or physically ( i think you know what i mean). Additionally, I dont know if its the time to think about this at the moment, but my mistake is making me thing of a lot of random things so please bear with me.

Here goes.

Our society is not very understanding when it comes to mistakes. Many forget the fact that humans were made imperfect, whether they make big or small mistakes is all relative. For the purpose of this post, i'll be substituting the term "mistakes" into "human mistakes" to remind you that im human, as are you, and every other being on Earth: Thus, mistakes are not wrong...and making them is inevitable. Because, this is the way we were made, and if it was wrong...then something is terribly wrong with the God we belive in if He made anything to be any less than right.

So basically, to put it in simpler terms, when a child is born into our society (poor child)...they look at that innocent face of his/hers...and leave no room for that innocence to fade every once in a while...they expect the child to be static, unchanging, untouched, sacred.... What's ironic is that our society fears making human mistakes because of the other humans, who are also human mistake makers, that might....well, for lack of better terms....talk. So, when you make a mistake, all of your achievements, all of your ambitions, and all of your earnings.....are all either gone or taken away because of that lousy, human mistake. All the good stuff is gone...it doesn't count anymore, because you my friend, like I, made a human mistake.

My favorite part of this society is that throughout living in this perfect bubble of hidden imperfections, they justify their endless judgements by playing the religion card. I should be crying right now, but i swear i'm laughing.....im laughing at them. Anyways..i'm typing this post, and i simultaneously cringe as i think of the religion card.
The religion card im talking about, my dear readers, is the most non-credible card you can use (its like when you use google as a reference for research..not credible). However, it is somehow the strongest because when you make a human mistake...you have somehow defied God. The contradiction here is that if the people pointing their fingers at you make the same human mistake, they justify it by saying that God created humans imperfect...we were meant to make mistakes.

I dont know if i can connect this to any sort of economics, or politics....or anything of the sort. But dear reader, do you think that with so much contradiction in such a small society....we will ever get anywhere. How will we be able to solve our problems, when we're too busy pointing out other people's problems? How will be able to solve THE ROOT of all our problems, when we wont even admit our own? Finally, how will we ever learn from our human mistakes...if we're not allowed to make them, if we're not allowed to embrace and love them?

Wait. I thought i was gonna end at the point but...

I just remembered another thing about the religion card.....my questions is, since we're all so keen and loyal to our religion, is their ANY passage that somehow allows men to make the same mistakes as women and not face any consequences? Does our society know that God will not look at our gender as he sorts us in Heaven or Hell?

what type of God judges based on gender? what type of God has different rules for two genders of his own creations? what type of imperfect God are we dealing with here?

Im sorry i dont believe in that God. The God i know is perfect, and He is the only one who has the right to judge us. He would have never created two genders if he did not make sure they were treated the same....judged equally.

So basically,
We're not allowed to make human mistakes
We're not allowed to be human
and..
We're not allowed to be women.

Do you know how many problems those last prohibitions have caused us in the past eras?
Look into history and find out how ungrateful, contradictory, disrespectful, dishonest and blind our society is.

I'm not saying im a woman and i want equal rights blah blah blah....thats all crap. I dont mind living in a patriarchal society, i adapted. Im just saying that people should understand that rights that were given to all mankind -- or womankind, to all feminists out there. LOL. And when i say rights, i don't mean rights as in the codified human rights we all know, i think those are also relative....im just saying we should all have the right to make mistakes, where ever and what ever we are, no matter how big they are, because we were made to do them...we were made to learn from them....and we were made to build ourselves, our characters and our personalities by making them.

Im sorry, but i cant say anything other than... this sucks.

Wish me luck. If ill live till tonight, ill keep you posted.

Turning Point. Part (2/2)

Knowing me by now, dear readers, through my posts in this blog...i don't like routine. I wanted to do something drastic, and i guess...i did. Other than the previous 'activities' i was engaged in, i wanted to leave to Portugal with a memorable step i seek to take.

that's where Men of the UAE came. The Men of the UAE showcase was yet again, another turning point i CHOSE to make in 2011. It was a result of an idea i had two years ago while i was sitting in my best friend's room. Having a passion for observing men in general, and having found a new passion for sucky photography, i asked her: "why don't i take pictures of men?". 

yes, it started as a dirty and sarcastic questions, and turned into a showcase of 19 Men of the UAE on the 28th and 29th of March. I got to the the world -- or the people that came -- about my obsession for men in a diplomatic way. LOL. 

the MUAE showcase was a mesh of my new 'self' and my new views on others. I can say that i have proudly reached a point in life where i regret nothing i have done in life, for those 'mistakes' are what make me human...and they are what make me who i am now. 

I did not seek calling myself an artist, nor a photographer, i just wanted to put my old passion and my new passion -- writing and photography -- together, to create a bit of magic. To my luck, i met a communicator...now a good friend... and i see her as my personal angel. I pitched her the idea of how i want to portray our men in a different way. Other than their attractive physique, i wanted people to feel the energy i feel when a man of the UAE passes by...those chills down my spine... that music in my ears as i hear his 'kandoora' (traditional attire)...and oh that mesmerizing scent resulting from the half bottle of perfume he has sprayed on. 

Other than that, our men have such a diversity among them that i hardly see anywhere else in the world. You have your corporate slaves, your fathers, your comedians, your fishermen, your bedouins, your protectors, your fathers, your artists...all compiled into what we know as a small population that is 'only 9% of the UAE'. 

Oh shit, i forgot my laptop charger. Ill complete this post when im out of this coffee shop. If i dont...then im an ass. Im sorry

but im just gonna end with this. the point of my turning point is that i got to a point where i allowed my ego and my anger to mate....and i called that bastard: art. This is how i got to the point where now i know that i want to be an artist bum. It free. It real. and i get to say whatever i want...and people will say: it's ok, she's an artist...she's deep, and any comment she gives us...-even if its bullshit --....is inspiring. 

Turning Point. Part (1/2)

Readers. 2011 is where i have experienced a new beginning. I'm 20, yet somehow i feel born again.

Hearts of steel
Art
Character Building
Resistance

Words that will always remind me of this turning point.

A conclusion resulting from endless conclusions.


In 7 days, i will be leaving to Portugal for two months. Alone.

After about 4 months of endless work, noises...experiences, im sitting here at a coffee shop. Alone.
This leaves me wondering about the choices i want to make. Do i want those endless noises? do i want all of those people around me? or do i want that that peaceful lifestyle, noise free, experience free.

This is what my turning point was all about.

I started my last junior semester at university with a job at the radio, a job at university and hard courses to look forward to....now, the semester has ended, and somehow, people are calling me an 'artist'. Next year i am a senior, an artist, a woman, and a complete human.

How i got to these conclusions, one would think, are all a blur. But no. I remember each and every moment.

Being the lazy bastard i am, i'm surprised at what i've done --not accomplished, but done.

in the beginning, I trained in the Arab Media world to become a radio presenter. It was all a lie, i knew that the moment i started. They needed me to lie...and all i did was 'train'. It is amazing what these people do to further inflate the bubble we already live in. I hate that bubble. It makes me lazier. Yet, i cannot pop it, for i have no idea what to do after it has been popped...yet. Unfortunately, that's what most of the people here strive to do. Instead of trying to live in the real world, we water our materialism until we become monsters. It is only in a very small community, where the real world is addressed.

this is one post i am finding so hard to write because i literally feel nothing. I usually write when i am feeling something. Whether anger, happiness, disgust, or shame. At some point during my training in the media world, i knew i wanted to be a part of that community,,,the community outside the media. Fuckers. Yet, one thing i was afraid of is if i left them, i would be called a quitter. Further in time...when two months passed, I quit. I understood that these are not people i work with. They are animals. Animals of the media world, wanting to turn us 'commoners' into animals just like them. So, i left to pursue something else.

Throughout my training in the media, i was also really busy working to get an internship somewhere far away. That's how Portugal stepped into my life. Since the semester started, I've been writing, sending and receiving letters back and forth to get an internship --- which was one thing that surprises me... i actually filled out application forms, ew; and worked with lazy, disorganized and not punctual people, double ew, to get something I WANTED done --- alone. Away, alone, no one...just me.

Being the youngest in my family, im relatively spoilt. This is why 2011 was a test i bestowed upon myself to see how far i can go.

Go to my next post if u wanna complete reading this crappy, very narcissistic, very egotistical, disorganized post of mine.