The Comfort Zone: Hatred, Nostalgia, and Gradual Disappearance. Part(1/4)

    This post is dedicated to the era of self-help. It is somehow a parody of the amount of …OBVIOUSNESS… in these books, as well as an eye opener, hopefully, to many of my loved ones.

   What I mean by the concept of self-help is not your everyday economic/Gandhian concept of self-help [Google it if you have no idea what I am talking about]; it’s the ‘self-help’ section you find in any bookstore. Why Men Marry Bitches, Eat Pray Love, The Secret, and Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams are a couple of examples of what you’ll find in this section.

   Since these are a part of a growing industry which feed on low-self esteem, depression and hypochondria, I thought to myself…why not give it a go?! It could be fun…writing advice on how one can ‘help’ one’s self…trying to make assumptions your reader will feel familiar with…it’s pretty interesting. 

P.S I’m not dissing any of these books so don’t sue me. I am merely trying to imitate their genre in an amateur manner…which is more fun…and also HILARIOUS.

    Before I start with my very own self help series on romantic relationships, which is of course everyone’s favorite, I have to lay down my assumptions. If, however, any reader seems to not ‘familiarize’ [usage of rarely used words is a must – might be turned into familiarization later on] with these assumptions… please do not stop reading…you might use it to laugh at other people.

Assumptions:

• 1.     You have been with a person for a long time – minimum of 3 years.
• 2.     You are not married.
• 3.     Every time someone asks/asked you about this relationship, you answered: ”It’s Complicated”. 
• 4.     The relationship is constantly On and Off.
• 5.     You have no idea where it is going.
• 6.     You have no idea if it is serious or not.
• 7.     You call this relationship ‘special’ or ‘unique’ instead of chaotic.
• 8.     You keep giving your partner excuses…in everything. For example: “But, he punched you” – You look at you best friend straight in the eye [with your black eye] and answer: “Nooo, it’s not like that. He wanted to slap me but got confused”.  – of course, this is an extreme example…but you know what I’m talking about.
• 9.     Every single day, your partner tells you about a lie he told you a long time ago. Example: “You remember when I told you your eyes were sparkling on our first date? [giggles] I was totally lying I just wanted to get laid. So weird how we ended up here eh?”
• 10You always seem to use “but, he loves/cares about/likes me”, “but we’ve been together for so long”, “he’s different, I know him”.
• 11You often end up blaming yourself for everything.
• 12This post is for people who have actually found the strength to leave their ‘bad’ partners.

So these are my 12 assumptions [The number has to be awkward and random for the readers to remember – like 12…wtf]. If you are in the zone of familiarization [I told you I’d use it!], keep reading.